The Flash and Thelma Memorial Hedgehog Rescue

Major General Spikers

Royal Hedgehog Marine Corps, Retired

Original Commanding General of the Second Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)

THIS IS THE NORTH AMERICAN HEDGEHOG MILITARY PAGE

Contents

I. CHAIN of COMMAND

II. MAJOR UNIT SUMMARY

III. UNIT DETAIL (The present North American Hedgehog Military units)

IV. NORAMCONHEDGECOM RETIRED RESERVE and ROYAL ORDER of MERIT RECIPIENTS

V. HISTORICAL ORDERS, MEMORANDUMS, and INTERVIEWS

HEDGEHOG MILITARY ORGANIZATION and CHAIN OF COMMAND

HEDGEHOG GOVERNMENT of NORTH AMERICA

COMMANDER in CHIEF

His Royal Majesty King Gromit of Arlington, IHR 90745, XV Hedgehog Monarch of North America

LE MINISTRE du DEFENSE

The Right Honourable Winky Akwekon, IHR 19861, Le Ministre du Defense

NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENTAL HEDGEHOG COMMAND (NORAMCONHEDGECOM)

General Astrid Hermoine of Northglenn, RHA, IHR 17196, Commanding General

MAJOR UNIT SUMMARY

III HEDGEHOG CORPS

Lieutenant General G.G. of Windsor, RHMC, IHR 18313, Commanding General

2d HEDGEHOG MARINE DIVISION (MECHANIZED)(SPIKERS’S OWN)

Major General Minna of Arvada, RHMC, IHR 27016, Commanding General

4^th HEDGEHOG ARMORED DIVISION

Major General HRH The Prince Speedy Becker, RHA, IHR 31706, Commanding General

173^rd HEDGEHOG AIRBORNE BRIGADE

Brigadier General HRH The Princess Brozia, RHMC, IHR 17438, Commanding General

1^st ROYAL TENREC COMMANDO SQUADRON

HEDGEHOG TRAINING and MATERIEL TESTING COMMAND

(MILPOGTMATCOM)

Major General Astrix of Cheyenne, RHA, IHR 18317, Commanding General

NORAMCONHEDGECOM RETIRED RESERVE

XX HEDGEHOG CORPS (The Ghost Corps)

III

UNIT DETAIL

HEDGEQUARTERS

NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENTAL HEDGEHOG COMMAND

(NORAMCONHEDGECOM)

Unknown (Secret) Location, Probably Underground

Commanding General

Deputy Commander, Training and Doctrine

Deputy Commander, Readiness and Maneuver

Deputy Commander, Support

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HEDGEQUARTERS

HEDGEHOG TRAINING and MATERIEL TESTING COMMAND (MILPOGTMATCOM)

North American Hedgehog Military Training Brigade

North American Hedgehog Ground Tactical School

North American Hedgehog Airborne Training School

North American Hedgehog Military Materiel Testing Brigade

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HEDGEQUARTERS

III HEDGEHOG CORPS

Commanding General

Chief of Staff

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-1 (Administration)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-2 (Intelligence)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-3 (Operations)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-4 (Logistics)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-5 (Civil Affairs)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-6 (Management Information Systems)

Special Staff

Surgeon

Staff Judge Advocate

Public Affairs Office

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HEDGEQUARTERS

4TH HEDGEHOG ARMORED DIVISION

ORDER OF BATTLE

HEDGEQUARTERS (At CCA)

Commanding General

Chief of Staff

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-1 (Administration)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-2 (Intelligence)

Assistant Chief of Staff, G-3 (Operations)

GENERAL ORDER 61-1
6 March, 35100061
TO: See Distribution
SUBJECT: Assumption of Command

The undersigned assumes command.

WONDER AKWEKON
Major General, UHMC
Commanding

DISTRIBUTION: Command Personnel

HEDGEDQUARTERS
SECOND HEDGEHOG MARINE DIVISION (MECHANIZED)

GENERAL ORDER 61-2
6 March, 35100061
TO: See Distribution
SUBJECT: Division Mission

The following is the mission of the 2d Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)(2dHHMD(Mech)): The mission of the 2dHHMD(Mech) is to combat animal abuse and neglect wherever it is found by bringing to bear the tactics and weapons needed to end these practices. Our weapons include such fearsome arsenal items as the 155mm USDA inspection, the state or provincial inspection, Internet list alerts, patron complaints, media involvement, local official complaints, physical search and rescue, and educational programs. Although our primary mission is to serve hedgehogs, we shall join in to combat all forms of animal abuse and neglect (including human animals, of course). Our strategic plan is one of escalated scales beginning in a friendly way with diplomacy and education and then, if not victorious, with increasing pressure (complaints, media, regulatory agencies, etc.) until the abusive or neglectful situation is remedied.

WONDER AKWEKON
Major General, UHMC, Commanding

MAJOR GENERAL SPIKERS'S ORIGINAL STATUS OF THE DIVISION MEMORANDUM PRIOR TO THE GREAT INSECT WAR OF 35100055 (human year 1999):

Major General Spikers

HEDGEQUARTERS
2d HEDGEHOG MARINE DIVISION (MECHANIZED)
SPECIAL ORDERS 2-08-20-00
FROM: Commanding General
TO: See Distribution
SUBJECT: Status of Second Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)
1. Various command and list personnel have asked about the status of the 2d Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)(2dHHMD(Mech)). These Special Orders represent an annual report for Human calendar year 1999 and Hedgehog calendar year 35100055 (we don’t play around with dates).
The last update occurred on October 19, 1999 (35100055). Future updates will occur annually in January or as major personnel or operational changes occur.
2. This update shall only be posted to the Pigpoglives List, the Division web page, division personnel, and to individuals as requested.
3. The 2dHHMD(Mech) is a reserve multi-service versatile division capable of military action in several combat environments. It serves at the pleasure of the Pogmander-in-Chief and may be mobilized to action by Le Ministre du Defense, The Honourable Renfield (hedgehogs do not recognize foolish human international borders).
4. Over the past year, the 2d HHMD(Mech) has undergone several personnel changes. The present organizational structure is as follows:

a. Commanding general: Spikers, Major General, USMC
b. Deputy Commanding General: Brigadier General Wumpling, UHA
c. Staff:
        1. Chief of Staff: Colonel Little Flash, UHA
        2. Asst Chief of Staff, G1 (Administration), Colonel Melanie (Canadian Armed Forces).
            (a) Staff Judge Advocate: Lt. Colonel Miwacle, UHA, JAGC
            (b) Provost Marshal: Major Vula indlela, UHA, MPC
            (c) Div. Surgeon: Colonel Roscoe, Canadian Armed Forces, MC
        3. Asst Chief of Staff G2 (Intelligence), Major Bozeman (Canadian Armed Forces).
            (a) Radar Officer: Major Sonicker (Australian Armed Forces)
        4. Asst Chief of Staff G3 (Operations), Colonel Silverbelle (Canadian Armed Forces)
            (a) Wheeling Officer: Lt. Colonel Angel, UHMC
            (b) Air Liaison Officer: Major Izigqi, Canadian Armed Forces
        5. Asst Chief of Staff G4 (Logistics), Colonel Rosie, UHA
            (a) Procurement Officer: Major Sweetie, Canadian Armed Forces
        6. Asst Chief of Staff G5 (Civil Affairs), vacant (see APPENDIX A)
d. Combat brigades:
1. Commander, 1st Brigade: Colonel Grumpy, UHMC.
2. Commander, 2d Brigade: Colonel Louise, UHA
e. Division Artillery (Heavy)
Brigadier General Wumpling, UHA
f. Special Units:
        1. Commando/Rangers:
            Commander: Captain Waylon, UHMC
            Deputy: Chief Warrant Officer, W2, Critical Bill, UHA

FOR THE COMMANDER:

                    LITTLE FLASH
                    Colonel, GS, UHA
                    Chief of Staff

(Signed)
POKIE
Lt. Colonel, AGC, UHA
Adjutant General

DISTRIBUTION:
Division personnel
Pigpoglives
1-As requested

APPENDIX:
MEMORIAL Stand Down. Division flags are flying at half mast for the recently departed Public Affairs Officer, Lt. Colonel. Butch, UHA.
Colonel Butch passed over the Rainbow Bridge at 0300, February 7, 35100055.

ATTACHMENTS:
The Commander answers list questions (some are repeats of the questions from October, some are new):
Q1: Why can’t humans be officers in the 2dHHMD(Mech)?
A1: That’s just the way it is. Humans have been around for just a short while (compared to us) and in that time have not shown themselves to be very kind, courteous, nor environmentally friendly. Why do you think you call yourselves “slaves?” Even though Standing Bear may have been an officer in a human army, he cannot qualify as an officer in a hedgehog army (or Marine Corps). Since he does his job well, though, we’ll appoint him as division command sergeant major.
Q2: We noticed that you changed Critical Bill’s rank from 1st lieutenant to Chief Warrant Officer. What is that all about?
A2: Critical Bill has been moaning and groaning about being an officer since he has joined the command. He was always saying “I don’t WANT to be an officer, I WORK for a living,” and such things. Well, hedgehogs in a hedgehog army are all officers, humans are the enlisted personnel. But, in order to shut Critical Bill up we revoked his commission and made him a warrant officer and convinced him that warrant officers are sort of “working officers.” Now he wants to go fly helicopters. Now that’s scary (since he can’t even find Canada half the time).
Q3: How do you feel about having female pogs in key command positions?
A3: They fight as good as anyone. Both combat brigade commanders and the deputy CG/division artillery commander are women. Don’t mess with ‘em. Hell, I don’t even mess with ‘em.
Q4: You have a relatively junior officer (Major Bozeman) as your ACofS (G2)(Intelligence). Isn’t he eligible to be promoted to Lt. Colonel?
A4: This question keeps coming up. I don’t know about eligible, but that little fool is never going to be promoted on my watch! Grudgingly admitted, he is good at what he does, which is sneaking around and duping individuals and groups. Also granted, that is what “military intelligence” is supposed to do. But I do not like any of it and just want to get out there and fight an honest battle. Look for Major Bozeman’s promotion to come in about five light years from now.
Q5: Are there any final words you would like to impart to the list?
A5: Yes. once again I sure do miss my friend and colleague General Jackson! His passing was a great loss to the hedgehog military. Since then, his command has been relegated to inactive reserve status. I think they need a reactivation! No military organization operates without the possibility of replaceability! Perhaps that great general Pogert E. Lee shall reactivate that army! I hope so.
End of interview.
SPIKERS
Major General, UHMC
Commanding, 2dHHMD(Mech)

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